If you knew me when I was 18, you’d know that Christmas is *not* my holiday. My Christmas highlights of those new-to-college years include driving hours down a snowy and dark interstate to visit my brothers, visiting a boyfriend in a city not my own, picking up a Chuckwagon at any sad looking gas station open on Christmas, and meeting up with friends to play cards. Those years were marked with a curious combination of desolation and a desire to belong somewhere while not feeling an authentic sense of belonging anywhere. Fast forward a decade, and my highlights still include Christmases with friends and a particularly amazing one in Costa Rica with my girlfriend at the time.

Which is all to share that I’m adjusting to spending Christmas with family once again. I’ve been fortunate to have time to celebrate with some of my family as well as my partner’s family. He and his clan treat Christmas like my best friend does: with 1000% exuberance, strange yet comforting tradition, and JOY. I suppose they’re all rubbing off on me, for I’ve come to love a weekend marathon of cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies—despite all the criticisms I could rattle off about them. While it’s still not *my* holiday, I’m letting past grudges and broken hearts go … and I’m surrendering to some cheesy cheer.

Enjoy our song—from our hearts to yours. Full card @ https://KrisMissJewel.us

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I rang in the new year with a commitment to self love, compassion and dating. My last relationship of 7 years dissolved near the end of 2018 and I took 2019 to rediscover myself through a lot of solo travel, travel with friends, language learning, music, new fitness fun and a career shift. It only made sense, then, that 2020 would be the year of clear vision.

While I started the year with open mics and an interest in learning how to better write, sing and compose music (and produce an album), never in a million years did I anticipate making a Christmas album. I rarely even listen to Christmas music, let alone decorate or celebrate. But something about being “stuck” at home, far from family, and physically separated from friends made Christmas a time to look forward to–a time for rest, recovery, and gratitude for everyone adding light, learning, and inspiration to my life. The idea of being able to be with people in spirit through music grew into a gift I was willing to spend a few sleepless nights for.

As I told some friends: had I known how much work this would be, I probably wouldn’t have started it. But I’m beyond grateful I didn’t know and did it. My Christmas miracle? That my new relationship grew over the course of this project despite some hiccups and tears.

To everyone reading and listening: here’s wishing you the best of this holiday season. May you feel comfort despite a break in traditions. Like the rest of this year (and as this project taught me), we will get through life together even when it feels like we won’t. Thank you for your resilience, compassion and support.

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Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

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With the pandemic resurging across the states, I’m not terribly surprised that when I set out to come up with a holiday jingle that this came out.

It’s rough. Nothing was written when I started playing … and this is the PSA I created. Maybe it’ll make it into this year’s holiday “album” I’m working on as a way to find sanity as 2020 comes to a close. (Photo from a 2013 Epiphany party when we could gather in groups, indoors, w/out masks.)

Rough Cut Lyrics:
Staying home for the holidays
Let’s stay home for the holidays

Sure, I’ll miss my family, and I’ll miss my friends
But they’ll still be alive when the days subside

Cuz we’re staying home for the holidays
We’re staying home for the holiday

I’ll still bake my bread and play plenty of games
Call you on the telephone

We’re staying home for the holidays
Let’s stay home for the holidays

So grateful for being alive and having a home to spend the days
We have our homes to spend our days

Even though I’m here and you’re there I still love you the same,
I’ll love you even more when I can see you again

Cuz we’re staying home for the holidays
Please stay home for the holidays

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

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Which isn’t to say that this is a sad day. Quite the contrary. I could be with family. I’m blessed with a large, inviting family that I sincerely enjoy–my friend family included. So while I chose to spend tonight on my own, I chose to write a song in honor of my friends and families.

I don’t know if it could ever capture just how blessed I feel. Nevertheless, I ventured out to the sunset rocks, in the dark, to record with the waves crashing around me…bringing all the love and laughter from my dispersed families into one cozy, lucky space. If you’re reading this, this is for you. Thank you for being a friend and may you feel loved.

P.s. While I wrote and shared the song with a few friends on Christmas, I didn’t post here until New Year’s.

Letra…

This song came in on the wings of a pelican
Diving deep, not afraid to drown
Will keep diving til we die…

In the darkness we DREAM, yet in the light we burn.
Ain’t it funny how the world turns things around?
Yet it gives us what we need, when we need it?

Sometimes I need to be alone, when the weight of the world is too much (to hold).
Sometimes I need a friend to hold my hair, when it all comes up again.

Let’s shed our shame into the sea , cut all the weights keeping us from being free.
Ain’t no use being tethered to the ground, spinning in circles and spewing HATRED all around.

//
Don’t go thinking it’s all lies, that we’re better off being dead inside.
Don’t go leaving me for dead, you know I’ll be back inside your head.
//

In the darkness we DREAM, yet in the light we burn.
Ain’t it funny how the world turns things around?
yet it gives us what we need, when we need it?
SOMETIMES I just really need a friend to hold me through the night.

Thank you for being a friend to your friend when she needed you.
Now it’s time for me to be my own friend,
Time to shed this shame into the sea…

The post A Christmas Song appeared first on Jewels.

The first time I attempted this feat, I ended up writing 4 songs, 2 of which I spent considerable amount of time re-working after the fact. This time, I only wrote 2 — and only put 1 to music. (Full disclosure: I’d like to share an excuse for why I only got to 2, but that’s silly. Part of sharing is to keep myself honest, share the journey and ditch perfection.)

I’ve been writing nearly ever day since Sept with only 7 missed days (and I’d venture to guess the actual count is less since I sometimes write after midnight, like now). Mornings tend to be free-writes and evenings tend to be processing and recapping my day. The gist of writing a song a day is similar: just write.

Give yourself permission to write something stupid, banal, off the cuff, spontaneous, detailed, meticulous, dopy, serious, whatever-the-heck-you-feel. Part of this is for the muscle and the practice. Part of this is so you have material to whittle at later. What keeps coming back to you in the shower? Or waiting in line at the grocery store?

Another quick parallel: now, when I travel, I give myself permission to take the tourist photos. I know that to get the intimate shots I love, I need to get the other stuff out of my system. Daily writing can be an equivalent of getting the pretty, food and sunset porn photos out of your system so you can catch the out of the ordinary.

Day 3 Song “Harvests Moon”

Writing Prompt: Harvest Moon as the title. Kicker: start in a key most difficult for you.

she harvests moon beams for the seller of suns
harpooning narwhals carrying daymares, bucking sons
of giants carting fireballs across galaxies, across skies
while she drowns quietly, hair spiraling, eyes open wide

Can you see her in your dreams?
Calling quietly, singing longingly?
Can you hear her in the wind?
Calling softly, singing sadly?

Mythical creatures, mystical features
never crease, never cease to teach her
The history of where we were born
The history of the sea swallowed unicorn

I wonder who even listens to lyrics
Is the art of life one of thought or empirics?
Empires were built on less than this idea
From  before all legends, mages and Pangea

Nevertheless, I will sing to she who
Harvests moon beams for the balu
Harpooning narwhals narry to marry,
tusking all who fuss with me
Joisting for attention

Day 5 Song “Amber”

Writing Prompt: “She is hard and hollow like a fallen tree” — use that as a starting point.
Guitar: Capo 2 | Dm, F, hammer on C (middle), E (middle off) / Am, Key of Gm

hard and hollow
like a fallen tree
you and me,
we're hard to follow
like a shooting star
we have far to fall
hard and sallow
turned to amber beads
if truth is what you seek
it's hard to swallow
and it has yet to set me free
...
[am] vulnerability is an [e] ability to ache,
an invitation to pain,
a mystery of mastery,
a frequency of agency,
a healthy rage,
[dm] a wealthy mage
for all the ages
...
hard and hollow
like a fallen tree
you and me, we're
hard to follow,
like a shooting star
we have far to fall.
hard and sallow,
turned to amber beads,
if truth is what you seek
you best not seek it from me.
it's hard to swallow
and it won't set you free

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