I rang in the new year with a commitment to self love, compassion and dating. My last relationship of 7 years dissolved near the end of 2018 and I took 2019 to rediscover myself through a lot of solo travel, travel with friends, language learning, music, new fitness fun and a career shift. It only made sense, then, that 2020 would be the year of clear vision.

While I started the year with open mics and an interest in learning how to better write, sing and compose music (and produce an album), never in a million years did I anticipate making a Christmas album. I rarely even listen to Christmas music, let alone decorate or celebrate. But something about being “stuck” at home, far from family, and physically separated from friends made Christmas a time to look forward to–a time for rest, recovery, and gratitude for everyone adding light, learning, and inspiration to my life. The idea of being able to be with people in spirit through music grew into a gift I was willing to spend a few sleepless nights for.

As I told some friends: had I known how much work this would be, I probably wouldn’t have started it. But I’m beyond grateful I didn’t know and did it. My Christmas miracle? That my new relationship grew over the course of this project despite some hiccups and tears.

To everyone reading and listening: here’s wishing you the best of this holiday season. May you feel comfort despite a break in traditions. Like the rest of this year (and as this project taught me), we will get through life together even when it feels like we won’t. Thank you for your resilience, compassion and support.

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Days can turn for no obviously apparent reason, though I can give hormones a starring role alongside our new antagonist pandemic. So when I found myself in bed for a happy hour call at 7, I was startled to find myself motivated to get out of bed by simply hearing a song. 

Sure, I adore Gillian Welch. Still, I couldn’t put my finger on the pulse of the inspiration to move, to listen, to play, to sing. As I first sat down to learn it and adapt it to my limited finger picking repertoire, I started to second guess my instincts. 

• Everything is free now. I’d be playing her song, making it free. 
• Try to make a little change at the bars. Our bars are closed and even when they open, I doubt I’ll be visiting anytime soon.
• Everything I ever done, gotta give it away. Someone hit the big score, they figured it out, that we’re gonna do it anyway, even if it doesn’t pay. Ouch, yeah…
• Every day I wake up, humming a song; but I don’t need to run around, I’ll just stay home. Stay home, save lives.
• And sing a little love song, my love and myself. This felt GOOD, comforting. A nice reminder that self love and self care is so critical.
• If there’s something that you wanna hear, you can sing it yourself. OK, I’ll sing it myself.

On the surface, it spoke to me in the moment, and while I battled the appropriateness of covering it and sharing it (for free), I ultimately found so much reprieve in the doing that I did it. And it motivated me to finish some work I’d been procrastinating; and I fell asleep peacefully, already rested.

When I woke this morning, I decided Wednesday would be a RESET day, a wonderful opportunity to shape my day around calm, acceptance and more productivity than the past couple of days. And then it hit me: Gillian’s song is about that acceptance. Accepting a new way of life and singing yourself a love song to help soothe the struggle in that transition.

‘Cause everything is free now, that’s what I said
No one’s gotta listen to the words in my head.
Someone hit the big score, and I figured it out
And I’m gonna do it anyway, even if it doesn’t pay

Gillian Welch, Everything is Free

Thank you to Gillian and all artists who risk vulnerability to share their stories as inspirations for us all. While I haven’t been able to watch any long form shows or movies, or read long form books, I’ve found so much comfort in music—especially in the past few weeks as our realities continue to shift like ‘ol 49ers panning for gold. Even if I don’t fully understand why any particular song sings to me, they are all helping me accept a new way of living and of being … and continue to push me to practice finding my own voice and sharing my own stories.

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It’s been 2 years (not counting the Feb draft I’m publishing now) and I don’t feel like talking about the time that’s passed. I’m currently overnighting in Brugge, Belgium. I’ve recently picked up a new-to-me guitar and decided to give it a whirl by playing a new-to-me song by Florence and the Machine.

A little over a week ago, I made a commitment to push myself into my growth’s edge by recording a new song or acro/aerial trick every week and sharing it. No getting it just right. No perfection. Just action. g-u-l-p

It seemed fitting, then, to take the opportunity to break my silence with song and share in my own space.

Added 9/24: Working on an original with the working title, Bodies Don’t Lie. (Update 10/20: Can’t wait to record an update on this as it’s getting closer.)

Added 10/20: Cover of Elephant Revival’s Sing to the Mountain

https://soundcloud.com/jewel-mari/sunday-jam-singtothemountain

Learned a new song to practice mandolin and harmony. Even to get a rough cut was tricky, because something on my mobile recording setup was creating a delay when listening to the main track while trying to record a second track — as I wanted mandolin/vocals as my “base” and then to play over it when guitar/harmony. To try and combat the delay, I played with a metronome but that didn’t help me drown out the base track which I needed to know when everything began … so I decided to scratch the mobile recording and start from scratch on my laptop. I started with a metronome and a count-in, so I could start strumming on count 1, making it much easier to record additional tracks. Practice tips for next time: it pays to figure out my bpm and key before recording.

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